The Process of Transformation

“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.” – Rachel Naomi Remen

It’s been 4 months and counting since I came out of my last relapse. I’m proud to say that this is a record for me. In conversation with a former professor, I told him how much I appreciated his research in brining science and spirituality together. It was my sense of survival that I found in spirituality that kept me moving forward – finding glimpses of joy when I felt I had none. Working with chakras helped me see that.

Nature has a strong effect on the chakras . . . .and dancing. Definitely dancing. And also wolves. That's my thing - don't question it; just let it happen.

What’s most surprising to me is that this professor who had dedicated most of his life to psychology said he could detect no symptoms of PTSD in my personality. How about that? I’m not dancing and rejoicing yet, because I know there’s a possibility of another trigger – but I’m hoping it’s not just wishful thinking on my part that I hashed out the worst of the worst when I finally realized the source of my anger and hurt.

I think it took a long time before I was ready to see that. I spent the better part of a year cutting people out of my life that weren’t good for me and I was quite lonely for a while. However, this forced me to look inward without the ability to distract myself with the issues, drama, and world views of another.

Trust is learned by our upbringing, I think. It takes patience to foster.  

For some time, people just didn’t recognize me – I had transformed that much.

A dear friend compared me to a butterfly once, because I fought so hard to come out of the cocoon. 

In his lecture, Healing the Luminous Body: The Way of the Shaman, Dr. Alberto Villoldo speaks of how trauma imprints us. He gives an example of a female patient who had seven relationships throughout her lifetime. Her relationship with these seven men each ended in the same place. She eventually discovered that she had had the same relationship with seven different men. By understanding our luminous body – the same concept demonstrated by Dr. Fritz-Albert Popp’s research – we have the ability to heal ourselves.

For now, I’ll rejoice in the transformation while recognizing there’s still a long way to go. I keep my mind open and attempt to do the same with my heart, however guarded it may be.

"Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before, but rather allowing what is now to move us closer to God." - Ram Dass

My heart will shine again, too. I know it. Compassion and love stem from the same place, right? 

Ignorance is Bliss

“The mad man drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight” – Joseph Campbell

I arranged for a planned encounter with the former beloved recently. It suddenly dawned on me that it had been well over six months since we drew daggers at one another and I was very much missing my favorite pair of turquoise feather earrings that I left in his room. 

I chatted away, asking him about life and the former beloved was stoic as usual. I mentioned my work with one of my former professors and getting to sit in on his psychology of spirituality course. Something the professor said gave me one of those ‘wow’ moments: Photons move in the same direction as DNA. I was explaining this to the former beloved. He gave me the look that silently told me I was feeble minded and said it was like comparing soft to black. I told him ignorance is bliss.

I don’t really believe that ignorance is bliss. However, I do recognize the need to keep a sense of wonder about the world. This is what moves us. I feel sorry for the beloved. He told me once he was trying to find his heart. I don’t think he will unless he’s willing to keep an open mind and that makes me sad for him.

As it turns out, Mr. Former-beloved-denial-pants, science and spirituality are beginning to find common ground and we may be witnessing a new renaissance; an awakening of world asleep for far too long. I imagine he’d still frown on what I’m about to say and find some flaw in my form of logic or the research I’m about to mention. To each their own, I guess.

I’ve heard the title ‘Father of Light’ bestowed on many, usually artists of some form. I think the true champion of this title is Dr. Fritz-Albert Popp. For the record, his research in biophoton emission has given weight to many spiritual claims that we are beings of light.

An old documentary filmed in the laboratory at the International Institute of Biophysics shows an experiment conducted by Dr. Popp. He opens a chamber approximately the size of a bread box and in this dark chamber he places a fresh cutting from a plant and a wooden match inside a plastic container and closes the light proof door. Dr. Popp then immediately switches on the photomultiplier and an image is shown on the computer screen: the match stick is black while the green, glowing silhouette of the leaves are clearly visible. Dr. Popp then says, “We now know, today, that man is essentially a being of light.”

Another claim backed by Dr. Popps research, “Biophoton emission and absorption are empirically measurable phenomenon of all living systems . . . There are about 100,000 chemical reactions happening in every cell with each second. The chemical reaction can only happen if the molecule which is reacting and excited by a photon . . .  Once the photon has excited a reaction is returns to the field and is available for more reactions. . . We are swimming in an ocean of light.”

Come on in. The water's fine. 

Popp applied his findings of electro-magnetic molecular signaling to acupuncture. According to the Chinese practice, the human body has a system of meridians, running deep in the tissue, through which flows ch'i, the life force. The ch’I enters the body through these acupuncture points and flows deeper into the organ structures, providing energy. Illness occurs when this energy is blocked at any point along the pathways. As Dr. Popp examined this Eastern practice, he noted that the meridian system transmits specific energy waves to specific zones of the body. Research has shown that many of the acupuncture points have a dramatically reduced electrical resistance compared with the surrounding skin. Dr. Robert Becker, an orthopaedic surgeon, has done extensive research on EM fields in the body and has designed an electrode recording device. His many studies have shown electrical charges on every one of the individuals tested corresponding to the Chinese meridian points.

We are beings of light woven together by a fabric we don’t yet fully understand.

I know a number of people who study varying forms of science. While differing practices love to bicker over which discipline is best, I hear the same thing said over and over again: The more I try to understand, the more I realize I don’t know and we’re all part of some unseen pattern. What exactly it is that they’re trying to understand is their study of the human body, biology, astronomy and physics.

The holistic way of perceiving the world mirrors the teachings of ancient civilizations such as the Inca. Buddhist and Hindu teachings have long told us that everything is energy dancing in form, and that the dance is a continuous weaving of the form and the formless. Now research from the frontiers of science is telling us the same thing. I am personally convinced that the close embrace in tango opens the heart chakra to one’s dance partner. I haven’t spent time researching, measuring levels of oxytocin, endorphins and other ‘feel good’ body rush chemical reactions, or conducting personal interviews – it’s just a hunch.

My favorite way to connect with the Divine.

I’m not saying my view of the world is correct, either – only I like to keep my mind open to the possibilities, even if science has not caught up with them yet. I can only glean from my personal experiences. When I quit trying to figure it all out, when I stopped and just listened - the answers began to come.