The Blessings We Don't See

“When we lose one blessing, another is often unexpectedly giving in its place” – C.S. Lewis

For every traumatic thing that I’ve had in my life, I’ve had an extremely profound, beautiful and miraculous story to match it. I only realized this in the wee hours of the morning when I stayed up talking with someone that is very dear to me. He was amazed at some of the life experiences I was sharing with him, particularly the one about me abandoned in Georgia.

I've felt pretty lost since I was left there. I'm still trying to find my way.

I wound up in Georgia just after my father died. My mother left me there with people who were strangers to me. My time there wasn’t bad, I was just heart broken, scared and longing for my family. I talked to the woman who cared for me about them. I remember her going through one phone book after another until she found my grandmother. That is arguably the most profound miracle of my life so far and if that’s not proof of some form of a divine plan from the universe or some form of higher power, I have no idea what is.

Something somewhere, someone somewhere, or Fate in my petty understanding of the Universe was looking out for me. 

I won’t do her justice with the words that follow, but I’ll try to describe my caregiver in Georgia. I haven’t seen her since she flew to California with me and brought me back into the arms of my grandmother. Her name is Myrna and she was a woman with a constant smile on her face. She had a closet that had an endless supply of bright blue muumuus. She lived and breathed in these muumuus. In fact, she worked out to Sweatin’ to the Oldies in the mornings in her muumuu. She was always in one of those bright blue things.

THIS guy. See that blue? Now I know where she got her fashion trend tips. 

Myrna was an endless giver. She made sandwiches to hand out to the construction workers who volunteered to repair the home of a community member after it was ripped to shreds by a tornado. She did this every day. Myrna was a lover of cats. If I remember correctly, she had around 18 of them. When it was feeding time and the herd of cats swarmed on the porch, she would count them and say out loud, “Sammy is missing.” To this day, that still amazes me.

For Pete's sake! I do well to remember my own pin code and this woman could remember the names of each of these cats.            

The determination and moral compass of one woman granted me another year with my grandmother and I’m eternally grateful for that. It’s hard for me to recognize these miraculous events in my life when I’m too consumed with telling myself what I failure and horrible human being I am. Some people know how to throw some knock out punches with their words. It was a mistake to even acknowledge those words because they came from a bad place – someone angry and bitter.

Myrna took me to visit a farm once. The farmhouse was a light shade of blue set on a backdrop of a sea of waving green grass that danced in the morning breeze. I could hear the long, lowing sounds of cows in the distance. The interior of the farmhouse was warm, an  inviting contrast from the brisk morning air. The aroma of cookies baking in the oven beckoned visitors to come inside. It seemed as if everything inside of the farmhouse was blue: the carpets which enveloped my bare feet, the flowered pattern on the yellow wallpaper, the dishes, the tablecloth, even the coffee pot.

I walked outside and stepped into the tall grass. I ran the stalks through my fingers as I trudged through it, the morning dew clinging to the palm of my hand. I felt lost in the middle of the emerald, pastured, sea; I wanted to be lost. I made my way over to the cows, reaching my small hand through the barbed wire fence. Cautiously, one approached, lowering her head to sniff my outstretched fingers. She let me brush her nose and I laughed with contentment. I heard my name called in the distance, and slowly made my way back to the blue farmhouse.

Driving home that evening, I was dazzled by the sight of fireflies leaping and glowing in the field. Because this was a new experience for me, Myrna pulled over and let me chase after fireflies for a few minutes. I caught one. It looked like fairy dust in my hands. I closed my eyes and made a wish. I had no knowledge of the validity of wishes, only that it gave me something to hold and hope for. I held the firefly in my hands, letting it illuminate my path back to the car. The memory of the firefly has stayed with me over the years and has served to remind me that a ray of light can be found even in the darkest of times, no matter how small it may be.   

Sometimes we need another perspective on our life experiences to make us realize how blessed we have been. For that, Mr. Object of My Affection Always Running 5 hours late – I thank you. You are an amazing human being. You are a rock even though you don't see it. Have you found me yet?

I'd say several lifetimes. 

“Reflect on your present blessings – of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” – Charles Dickens