What's Been Torn Away

This is my first online entry. It was composed when I was going through a rather nasty breakup while immersed in an intense and accelerated science curriculum (July 2010). When I finally came to my senses and was done beating myself up, I turned to the one thing that always comforts me: writing. 

Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are. ~ Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

I think I'm done keeping my silence.

Over the span of the last several weeks, I think I've experienced every emotion possible; it's been a roller coaster, to say the least. I pulled through it and came out stronger on the other side - I always do. While in the middle of crawling through my own personal dark tunnel, however, I couldn't see the light at the end no matter how hard I strained to see it or how often I changed the direction of my gaze.

During this period, I felt several times as if I had reached my breaking point. It was as if I had absolutely nowhere and no one to turn to in many aspects. Everything else had quite literally been shaken away - and through this experience I have discovered the few that are genuine in my life.

There comes a point when all that one can do is cry - whether it be minutes, hours, days or weeks. When I had finally let the pain I was feeling leave me, I was able to look at the world around me through a fresh set of eyes. This experience has awarded me with a new insight to my own surroundings. I've discovered that nature is perfect, joyous, fascinating and possibly the best healer to be found. Mother Earth has always been this way - I don't think I ever truly saw her until now.


I've learned that humanity is fallible, cruel and unforgiving . . . not that I'm going to lock myself away in some remote cave - I only feel that I will forever be detached from those around me. If I'm honest with myself, I think it's safe to say that I've been this way from childhood - I just never cared to admit it.

I've come to realize that I am as I should be in mind and spirit; those that do not like it aren't worth my time and have no place in my life. Now that I think of it, I can't imagine why someone would want to change me in the first place.

It's a petty thing - to let other's control my life because I'm so concerned by how they will perceive me and honestly I don't think they deserve that kind of power over me; I don't intend to give it to them. My intentions are merely to live my life as I see fit while embracing my unique qualities that others either envy or despise about me.

That's all for now.

Namaste