Of Masks and Men

Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before. ~ James Buckham

Throughout most of my life, I’ve run from adversity and conflict of any sort. I’d hide my true self from others, allowing them to create an image of what I should be in their own mind. I was often shunned for my beliefs and way of thinking that tended to be different. I’ve always been different. Consequently, I always saw myself as the problem. I’m not sure if pretending to be something I wasn’t was some sort of evolutionary survival method, or that I was made to feel ashamed for my nonconformist attitude. Either way, I wore a mask that was not my own for many years. In fact, I wore several.

I’m not sure when exactly I decided I needed to set my foot down, but at some point I did. I feel like the entire world would oppress me if I’d let it . . . but I’m not going to. My family has come to terms with my oddities of smudging and love of the Earth Mother. At first, I was told that it was only a psychological thing. My philosophy is ‘whatever works’. Don’t rain on my parade!

Again I address the topic of men. As mentioned in my previous blog, I’ve had a knack for attracting the wrong type. It’s not that they were evil, or bad in all aspects; I think I could find a trait to love in just about anybody. My free spirit is usually what attracts people to me. Perhaps they thought I was what they wanted and that turned out to not be the case. Regardless, I feel as if they made every attempt to snuff the life out of me.

With that in mind, I’ll be spending some time thinking about what I want in a significant other and hope that by doing so the right person will come along. If not, so be it. I’ve learned that we need to make our own happiness in this world.

Here’s my thoughts (requirements) thus far:

1 Must be a dog lover. I have two dogs of my own. Love me, love my dogs.

2 Be honest to me about who you are. I don’t like liars and I despise those that lie about their interests to catch my attention

3 Love outdoors. I have a deep connection to nature. This is where I find comfort, solace and can rejuvenate myself when I’m feeling worn down.

4 Mobility; be active. Be spontaneous because this is one of the greatest gifts in life.

5 Having traveled is a plus. I feel it is important to see other parts of the world, immerse in a different culture, and have meaningful experiences.

6 Generosity – not just towards me and not necessarily with tangible things (unless chocolate cake is involved). Share your thoughts and dreams with me.

7 Confidence, but not self absorbed – I think it’s important to be proud of what you do and your contribution to the world. However, thinking you’re better than everyone else is a turn off.

8 Motivation – have the desire to continue to grow. Stagnant water is bad for to drink, so is a stagnant lifestyle.

9 Patience – I want someone who can be patient with me and others in his life. 

10 The ability to laugh at yourself . . .  because I laugh at myself on a daily basis and it’s much more amusing when I have a partner in crime.

11 Dance outings and karaoke – Of course, I’m not set in stone. I like to have fun and don’t want a couch potato who not only refuses to go kayaking with me, but also refuses dancing and karaoke.

12 Smarts – impress me with your knowledge and challenge me to a game of chess!

13 I think looks fall into here somewhere. I’m still trying to decide exactly what physical aspects I like in the opposite sex. All I can say for now is that I know what I like when I see it.

14 Loving - love me for who I am and not what you'd like me to be. I have had so many cross my path that are attracted to my free spirit and fun loving nature only to try to change me and break me in the process. I will not stand for this. 

15 Bonus points if you're Irish!

16 - Don't treat me as an afterthought. I am worth more than that.