Can we really choose who we fall in love with?
This is a question I'm asking myself now.
I’ve recently noticed a phenomenon among some of my friends. These gals are capable of loveless, emotionless, no strings attached sex. This concept is foreign to me. I’d like to think I don’t understand simply because I’m further evolved and therefore more separated from my animal ancestry as the loveless sex crowd. However, this is likely not the case and I’m just behind in the times – or an anomaly living among an ever changing society in which women are breaking free from the sexual constrains of the past.
Since beginning my journey in biology, anatomy, physiology and the like, I’ve learned a rather surprising fact (surprising to me at least). Hormones are involved in sex. Who knew?
Meet oxytocin , a hormone produced in both the male and female orgasm. It is often referred to as the “cuddle chemical” not only for its role between sexual partners, but also for the function it serves to bond mothers with their newborn babies.
Then there’s serotonin, which acts as an anti-depressant. Upon orgasm, the levels of serotonin receive a temporary boost. Phenylethylamine triggers the release of dopamine in the pleasure centers of the brain – the nucleus accumbens which is a collection of nerves found in the limbic system. A side note for ladies: dopamine is also found in chocolate.
Lastly, there’s adrenaline. We’ve all experienced the adrenaline rush – which easily explains the addiction to physical activity of any sort – from running, biking , skydiving to (you get the picture).
The heart-flutters we feel for another could simply be an adrenaline rush wrapped in oxytocin.
In short, sex offers an emotional high. In fact, this release of chemical reactions begins before the act of sex occurs.
Ever seen someone that you felt you had to have right then and there? A basic animalistic instinct; perhaps we’re not that far evolved after all.
I bring this up only because sex is so often attached to love. Looking deeper, I’m now beginning to wonder if love is a real emotion or simply a series of chemical releases that takes place.
For as long as the written language has existed, writers, musicians and the like have paid homage to the concept of love. Love is transcendental and the pinnacle of human emotion. Love can lift hearts, bewitch minds, and break the boundaries of class and race.
It’s a complex emotion with extreme consequences. On one side, there is great joy; on the other, much pain. We entrust another with a very deep and guarded piece of ourselves. Perhaps this is both the greatest sacrifice and the greatest vulnerability. Some us feel the need to lose ourselves in another. Personally, I’d like to keep myself in tact; but I think the concept sounds nice.
I’ve heard love described as two types: a bonfire and a fireplace fire. Both are equally pleasing, but very different. Bonfires are exciting, but can quickly burn out of control and a fireplace fire can be contained. If you find yourself in a bonfire type situation, one must question if it is love, infatuation or lust.
It’s also not uncommon for people to fall out of love. Really? I didn’t know we were capable of pulling ourselves up from the bottomless abyss. What happens? Do our internal chemicals finally run out and we see the other person standing before us for the first time as they really are? Do we simply make a choice to move on because something else catches our eye?
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