Touch Wood. Touch Gold.

“Selflessness is humility . . . humility and freedom go hand in hand. Only a humble person can be free.” ~ Jeff Wilson

Of the many things I admire and respect about Pavarthi and Vijay is their humility. They have accomplished and overcome so many things in their lives, yet one wouldn’t ever know it because they simply don’t talk about it . . . unless they’re talking about one another. It is obvious they admire one another a great deal. I challenge anyone to watch them and not smile. I think this task is impossible.

Vijay worked for NASA and was a pioneer in the development of vehicle airbags and solar energy panels. Pavarthi has done extensive research on DNA repair (among many other things) and is at long last organizing her data for submission. Her research was put on hold for some time when she was ill and on the brink of death. She survived and believes she is a better person for it. Vijay also nearly faced death once; I don’t know much about his experience.

In the face of such adversity, Vijay and Pavarthi have not only survived, but radiate a loving kindness to anyone who may cross their path.

After dinner – when I was stuffed to the brim and hardly able to walk – I drove them home and we chatted over a glass of wine. Pavarthi immediately presented a plate of cookies and Vijay chided her. My immediate reaction was to laugh at the entire scenario: here we are from two very different cultures. Out of custom and stellar hostess skills, Pavarthi continued to present me with food. Not wanting to be rude, I accepted until I could no longer consume one more morsel. Now I was convinced that she was attempting to lure me into a food comma from which I would never wake.

Can't . . . Move.

I attended a Buddhist church once many years ago. One of the sermons stood out to me in a very profound way: the speaker compared humanity to a vine of pumpkins – we are individual, yet connected – therefore when one suffers, we all do and when one rejoices, we all share in that as well. I’ve always thought this is a beautiful concept. Vijay gave me yet another viewpoint of this concept. He spoke of an invisible line that connects us all and when I think of another and smile, this is how we are connected and this is the friendship we share.

Pavarthi and Vijay showed me breathing exercises to help me circulate more oxygen and endorphins into my brain. I always feel rejuvenated when I do them and am finding they fit in nicely when I light one of my candles at night.

I have struggled a good deal lately with my sense of self worth and there are many reasons and events tied into this. Pavarthi and Vijay made a point of telling me how impressive and wonderful I am. They told me of a teacher in India whom they worked with for many years and his message was this, “Love ever and hurt never.” First, never hurt yourself; then learn not to hurt others. I am working on loving myself. I find it very difficult at times when I feel so alone, but then I think of the pumpkins on the vine and invisible line and smile to myself.

I think Universe and the Divine work in ways I could never possibly understand. I had been hurting for such a long time and then I met Pavarthi and Vijay who have emitted such a comforting and radiant light into my life. My only regret is that I hadn’t met them sooner. They will be heading off for a road trip soon before they return to India. They have declared themselves my godparents. Yay! I’ve never had godparents.  

I was recently gifted a very large container of Mocha Rocha and instructed to consume every calorie and not share with anyone. Of course, the givers of such a delicacy were Vijay and Pavarthi with a very touching note attached that says, ‘Sweet Mocha Rocha for Sweet Ava’.

Pavarthi tells me that one of her prayers for me is to get married and have children. I smiled as she revealed this; I’ve secretly always wanted to be a soccer mom. On our last encounter, Pavarthi wagged her finger at me and said, “You will come to Bangalor!’ Yes, Love, I will. Touch wood. Touch Gold. May it be so. Namaste. 

My godparents and me. I miss you already. 

“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” 
~ Rumi

Roly-Poly

Over the weekend I picked out small gifts for Pavarthi and Vijay. It was a bit difficult because at this point I had not yet met Vijay and I also didn’t want to give anything too big because they are traveling soon and shouldn’t have to lug anything cumbersome with them. As I looked through items at my favorite store, I went back in my mind to a conversation Pavarthi and I had about god, or the unmanifest, or whatever it may be.

We both believe in a higher power, and we both like to think of said higher power as female. Perhaps for Pavarthi this is not such a big thing. For me to admit this is nearly blasphemy to many. Growing up in a Western culture in which God is white and male, I struggled to perceive how such an entity could possibly understand me. For me think of a supreme being as female allows me to feel more at one with the divine.

She works in mysterious ways . . .. 

In the end, I chose a few things that I hoped would find meaning with them. They were small items, but one would have thought by their constant expression of gratitude that I had bestowed them with a mountain of gold. 

The day of their anniversary, Pavarthi came to my desk and told me she got their anniversary and Vijay’s birthday mixed up (they are only a week apart, after all). We laughed at this mishap and I wrote a note on the outside of my handmade envelope for their handmade card, which I had already sealed.

Vijay was every bit as charming as his wife. I think of them both as the friendliest, sweetest people to have ever graced the earth. We talked on the drive to the restaurant. Pavarthi asked me if I had heard from my grandfather lately. I explained that while I most certainly don’t want to go through the rest of my life this way, I can’t communicate with him because he is associated with far too many bad things in my life. Cutting any form of stress out of my life has been necessary for my survival. I don’t want to live cut off from the rest of the world, but for now it is necessary. Much to my surprise, Vijay and Pavarthi understood. I’ve grown ftoo used to others calling me a negative person because I am hurt by the actions of someone and because it is necessary for me to cut off communication for now, I am labeled as cold hearted and unforgiving.

Sometimes we have to let things go before we can be whole again. 

Over dinner I was once again enamored with Pavarthi’s essence. Her expressions and act of reverence for everyone and everything in her life is refreshing and eye opening at the same time. I lost count of how many times she would say, “Touch wood; touch gold.” She would then bring her hands to Namaste. I confess I was amused by this variation of the idiom, as I had never heard it before.

My time with them afforded me the privilege of a glimpse into their lives and that of Indian culture. As she promptly piled an immense amount of food onto my plate, Pavarthi explained that it is customary to serve guests before you eat yourself. I also learned that to refuse food is seen as being polite . . . . for the love of all that is holy, my dress was ripping at the seams because she insisted that I continue to eat more food.  Every time my plate was nearly empty, Pavarthi quickly served me more. She told me that when a guest becomes angry you know they’ve truly had enough. * Note to self, work on anger when eating with Indians.

Please! I can't take any more!

After feeding me to near and certain death, Pavarthi said, "Now you know why we wear saris because we are such roly-polies." No sooner had she made this statement than she ordered me an Indian delicacy with extra sauce . . .  

 . . .  and this is how I felt when they were done with me . . . .

The interactions between Pavarthi and Vijay displayed the affections of a couple that love each other deeply and are the best of friends. In fact, I was shocked to learn that their marriage was arranged. It wasn’t until later in the evening that I understood. When my face reflected my surprise at the news that their marriage was arranged, Vijay said he could understand, because any good relationship is based on love. He didn’t say it, but it was obvious that their way of life is love. 

Pavarthi

“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.” ~ Helen Keller

I remember when I first saw her. My heart felt like leaping for joy out of my chest. It was as if I crossed paths with someone I knew from eons ago and loved deeply and had been separated from for a very long time. My soul knew her. I desperately wanted to hug her. Growing up in Western culture, I have been trained to respect the personal space of others and have long grown past the age of random hugging being perceived as acceptable. This is just not done because it comes across as creepy and, in extreme cases, can land someone with a harassment lawsuit.

We exchanged smiles and she introduced herself and welcomed me to the research lab. Her name is Pavarthi (pronounced just like ‘poverty’). I was left in awe of this mysterious woman in a sari who emanated such a vibrant light; in many ways she is one of the most beautiful creatures on earth.

A few days later, Pavarthi came to my desk and asked me to scan some documents for her. We started to chat. She told me an embarrassing story from childhood. In turn, I shared a similar story from my own life which was embarrassing to me at the time because there was no female figure in my life to help me understand – only a grandfather who was probably just as uncomfortable as me. This is when she took my hand, looked me directly in the eyes and said, “I am your second mother.”

This is about when I my eyes welled up with tears and I hugged her. She told me god is in me. It makes sense, not that I think about it. A common Indian greeting is “Namaste” which means, “The Divine in me honors the Divine in you.” I’ve always thought this was particularly beautiful. This touched me, as I have set my spiritual self to the side for a time while I focused on pulling myself out of a very dark place. Perhaps a sense of spirituality would have eased the process, but I felt this was something I had to conquer on my own.

The next day, Pavarthi came to my desk and told me that she and her husband Vijay were celebrating their 31^st wedding anniversary. They have not had any children, and would love for me to come and celebrate with them. I was touched and floored at the same time. Me? Really? I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly loveable person and she extentded nothing but love towards me. 

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest . . . It's about who came and never left your side."