Roly-Poly

Over the weekend I picked out small gifts for Pavarthi and Vijay. It was a bit difficult because at this point I had not yet met Vijay and I also didn’t want to give anything too big because they are traveling soon and shouldn’t have to lug anything cumbersome with them. As I looked through items at my favorite store, I went back in my mind to a conversation Pavarthi and I had about god, or the unmanifest, or whatever it may be.

We both believe in a higher power, and we both like to think of said higher power as female. Perhaps for Pavarthi this is not such a big thing. For me to admit this is nearly blasphemy to many. Growing up in a Western culture in which God is white and male, I struggled to perceive how such an entity could possibly understand me. For me think of a supreme being as female allows me to feel more at one with the divine.

She works in mysterious ways . . .. 

In the end, I chose a few things that I hoped would find meaning with them. They were small items, but one would have thought by their constant expression of gratitude that I had bestowed them with a mountain of gold. 

The day of their anniversary, Pavarthi came to my desk and told me she got their anniversary and Vijay’s birthday mixed up (they are only a week apart, after all). We laughed at this mishap and I wrote a note on the outside of my handmade envelope for their handmade card, which I had already sealed.

Vijay was every bit as charming as his wife. I think of them both as the friendliest, sweetest people to have ever graced the earth. We talked on the drive to the restaurant. Pavarthi asked me if I had heard from my grandfather lately. I explained that while I most certainly don’t want to go through the rest of my life this way, I can’t communicate with him because he is associated with far too many bad things in my life. Cutting any form of stress out of my life has been necessary for my survival. I don’t want to live cut off from the rest of the world, but for now it is necessary. Much to my surprise, Vijay and Pavarthi understood. I’ve grown ftoo used to others calling me a negative person because I am hurt by the actions of someone and because it is necessary for me to cut off communication for now, I am labeled as cold hearted and unforgiving.

Sometimes we have to let things go before we can be whole again. 

Over dinner I was once again enamored with Pavarthi’s essence. Her expressions and act of reverence for everyone and everything in her life is refreshing and eye opening at the same time. I lost count of how many times she would say, “Touch wood; touch gold.” She would then bring her hands to Namaste. I confess I was amused by this variation of the idiom, as I had never heard it before.

My time with them afforded me the privilege of a glimpse into their lives and that of Indian culture. As she promptly piled an immense amount of food onto my plate, Pavarthi explained that it is customary to serve guests before you eat yourself. I also learned that to refuse food is seen as being polite . . . . for the love of all that is holy, my dress was ripping at the seams because she insisted that I continue to eat more food.  Every time my plate was nearly empty, Pavarthi quickly served me more. She told me that when a guest becomes angry you know they’ve truly had enough. * Note to self, work on anger when eating with Indians.

Please! I can't take any more!

After feeding me to near and certain death, Pavarthi said, "Now you know why we wear saris because we are such roly-polies." No sooner had she made this statement than she ordered me an Indian delicacy with extra sauce . . .  

 . . .  and this is how I felt when they were done with me . . . .

The interactions between Pavarthi and Vijay displayed the affections of a couple that love each other deeply and are the best of friends. In fact, I was shocked to learn that their marriage was arranged. It wasn’t until later in the evening that I understood. When my face reflected my surprise at the news that their marriage was arranged, Vijay said he could understand, because any good relationship is based on love. He didn’t say it, but it was obvious that their way of life is love.